A wacky last few days
Since I last posted, it’s been a wild ride. I’ve been enjoying some Halo 3, I had a major panic attack on Thursday, and my homies took me to San Francisco for a few days. I also started another SSRI, Celexa, which was FDA approved for depression, but like pretty much all SSRI’s can be used to treat depression or anxiety.
Well, the whole Halo 3 thing was cool, my family-in-law all pooled their resources and got me Halo 3 on launch day, and already I’ve beaten the entire game on ‘Heroic’ difficulty. I’m also moving slowly up in team and single player online modes. If I have any free time, I’ll more than likely be playing some Halo 3. Yay for Halo 3.
I started taking Celexa last Wednesday and so far I feel nothing, except more anxiety. I called my psychiatrist and he and his nurse both made me feel like a moron when I suggested that perhaps the Celexa was making me feel more anxious. Apparently, this is ‘impossible’ because of the low dose and the fact that I started feeling worse after just one pill. They made me feel stupid for asking. I guess it’s safe to say they’ve never been on the receiving end of a panic attack. I had to leave work early on Thursday because I felt I was going to go crazy or lose consciousness. I know this probably stemmed from the fact that I hate taking medicine for anything. I worry that the side effects will kill me, although from everything I’ve read it’s unlikely, unless I swallow two bottles at once. I ended up feeling better when I went home, but I felt stupid for having to tell my boss my personal problems are preventing me from doing my job. Either way I’ve had two worse-than-usual panic attacks in the five days I’ve been taking the pills. I really hope they start working soon.
On a happier note, my friends kidnapped me for a few days to take me on a bachelor party getaway extravaganza. I was so engrossed in Halo 3 on Thursday night that I didn’t realize Amanda was in the bedroom packing my bags. My best man and best friend Sean called me Friday to tell me to be showered and ‘ready’ but he didn’t tell me what ‘ready’ meant. I got a shower and put on a fairly default outfit: jeans and a t-shirt. When Sean and my other two best friends (and future brother-in-laws) showed up, they surprised me by telling me that they had rented a car and they were taking me to San Francisco! I had never been there before, and I was very anxious about going in light of the increased anxiety I have been having lately. Of course I went anyway. My friends are well aware of my mental issues, and they were very supportive of me throughout the trip. We went across the Golden Gate Bridge, and we went for a mile long hike in Muir Woods, which was very fun. We had a great time just joking around, seeing new things, getting lost and being bachelors. I hope to go again and visit the Winchester Mansion and maybe even Alcatraz.
By the way, I will be getting married in 14 days. It’s pretty amazing, and very strange. Oddly, I’m not nervous about getting married, since I know I’m marrying the right person, but I’m a little nervous about being on display in front of a lot of people. I’m extremely nervous about taking a five hour flight to Jamaica for the honeymoon, although I feel that I will be very relaxed and calm when I finally get there. I’m very excited regardless.
So the last few days have had much drama, horror and laughs. This is why I didn’t post for the last few days. Life happened.
For further reading, see Amanda’s post.